I Like It Funny

2012-01-03T08:31:00.001-08:00

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2011-12-25T07:03:00.001-08:00

http://ping.fm/mSUrr

2011-12-23T10:34:00.001-08:00

I've been good but Billy has been jerking off!!!
http://ping.fm/92WnW

2011-12-16T07:43:00.001-08:00

Guns don’t kill people. Husbands who come home early kill people.

2011-12-15T09:47:00.001-08:00

Gossip: When you hear something you like about someone you don't

2011-12-13T07:07:00.001-08:00

Be naughty, save Santa the trip.

2011-12-12T07:04:00.001-08:00

Based on current statistics, we know 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce, which means the other 50 percent end in death.

2011-12-09T09:42:00.001-08:00

Barbie is fifty years old now, so Mattel has come out with divorce, midlife crisis Barbie. She comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

2011-12-08T11:55:00.001-08:00

At twenty we don't care what the world thinks of us; at thirty we start to worry about what the world thinks of us; at forty we realize the world isn't thinking of us at all.

2011-12-08T07:14:00.001-08:00

The towels at the hotel are so big and fluffy, you can hardly close your suitcase!

2011-12-07T08:41:00.001-08:00

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

2011-12-06T07:24:00.001-08:00

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun-and fun is a lot more work.

2011-12-05T08:31:00.001-08:00

I'd like to grow very old as slowly as possible.

2011-12-02T11:17:00.001-08:00

I automatically start panicking when I can't feel my phone in my pocket.

2011-11-30T08:56:00.001-08:00

I’ve been sort of crabby lately. It’s that time of the month again-the rent’s due.

2011-11-28T07:46:00.001-08:00

Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.
Gary Allan

2011-11-28T07:41:00.001-08:00

I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our "friend".

2011-11-17T09:17:00.001-08:00

Don’t be afraid to take risks. Let him cook dinner once in awhile.

2011-11-16T12:56:00.003-08:00

I don't repeat gossip... listen carefully.

2011-11-16T12:56:00.001-08:00

I don't repeat gossip... listen carefully.

2011-11-15T06:56:00.001-08:00

Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional

http://ping.fm/qOZ96

2011-11-15T06:53:00.001-08:00

Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional

2011-11-11T10:28:00.001-08:00

Holiday traditions mean a lot to people, particularly people in retail.

http://ping.fm/XqjE6

2011-11-10T07:01:00.001-08:00

I don't know if my first experience was heterosexual or homosexual because u was too polite to ask.

2011-11-09T06:53:00.001-08:00

I don't have a drinking problem, except when I can't get one.
http://ping.fm/bHNOj

2011-11-08T06:45:00.001-08:00

Give a man a fish and he eats for the day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

2011-11-07T09:12:00.001-08:00

Hey cupcake, can I buy you a drink? No, but I'll take the ten bucks.

2011-11-04T14:00:00.001-07:00

Don't do drugs, because if you do drugs, you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison.

2011-11-04T13:13:00.001-07:00

Dogs act exactly the way we would act if we had no shame.

2011-11-02T13:21:00.001-07:00

Conservatives say teaching sex education in the public schools will promote promiscuity. With our education system??? If we promote promiscuity the same way we promote math or science, they're got nothing to worry about.

2011-11-01T14:49:00.001-07:00

Health - that's what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

2011-10-31T09:37:00.001-07:00

Ginger Rodgers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.

2011-10-30T12:30:00.001-07:00

Don't hate yourself in the morning- sleep till noon.

2011-10-27T08:00:00.001-07:00

You know you're getting old when work is less fun, and fun is a lot more work.

2011-10-27T07:46:00.001-07:00

http://ping.fm/359JW

2011-10-26T08:07:00.001-07:00

You can only hold your stomach in for so many years!

2011-10-25T08:08:00.001-07:00

"Oh, you hate your job? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar." G.C.

2011-10-24T07:29:00.001-07:00

Women's rule of thumb: if it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.

2011-10-21T12:14:00.001-07:00

Top 5 Reasons Why Trick or Treating is better than sex http://ping.fm/7Fb7W

2011-10-21T08:40:00.001-07:00

Women say, before I sleep with you I want to find out what kind of a person you are. Men say, I want to get her into bed before she finds out who I am.

2011-10-20T07:43:00.001-07:00

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is new.

2011-10-19T09:11:00.001-07:00

Middle age woman walks in living room naked .... Hubby says y u naked? She replies this is my love dress. He says, well iron it!

2011-10-18T09:25:00.001-07:00

Why should we take advise on sex from the Pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't.

http://ping.fm/T0pVy

2011-10-18T09:23:00.001-07:00

Who ever said money can't buy you happiness didn't know where to shop.

2011-10-17T07:31:00.001-07:00

When I put on acid-washed jeans, I start having flashbacks.

2011-10-14T05:44:00.001-07:00

When I put on acid-washed jeans, I start having flashbacks.

2011-10-13T07:20:00.001-07:00

Well-behaved women rarely make history.

2011-10-12T07:44:00.001-07:00

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them…Well, I have others.

2011-10-11T08:08:00.001-07:00

There is one thing women can never take away from men. They die sooner.

2011-10-10T07:14:00.001-07:00

"Does anybody know what flavor the green gummy bears are? I can’t tell and the taste is just weird."

2011-10-07T13:22:00.001-07:00

"The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money."

2011-10-07T08:55:00.001-07:00

Fact: The acid in diet coke destroys the calories in pizza.

2011-10-06T15:22:00.001-07:00

You know you've reached adulthood when 6 am is the time you get up, not the time you go to sleep.

2011-10-05T08:01:00.001-07:00

Yes but mommy an daddy are on legal drugs!

2011-10-04T09:16:00.001-07:00

you mean shopping for more useless stuff is not the meaning of life?

2011-10-01T14:36:00.001-07:00

Young son: "Is it true Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in most countries son."

2011-09-30T12:16:00.001-07:00

Top 10 Rules of boozing
http://ping.fm/wX3TC

2011-09-30T10:43:00.001-07:00

PeTA: People eating tasty animals

2011-09-30T10:38:00.001-07:00

Beer. It's not just for breakfast anymore.

2011-09-30T10:35:00.001-07:00

Huked on foniks werked four me.

2011-09-27T09:25:00.001-07:00

You're getting old when almost everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

2011-09-23T08:44:00.001-07:00

The voices in my head don't like you.

2011-09-22T07:51:00.001-07:00

Irish coffee has the four essential food groups - caffeine, alcohol, sugar and fat.

2011-09-21T13:49:00.001-07:00

Man: May I buy you a cocktail?
Woman: Alcohol is bad for my legs.
Man:Do they swell?
Woman:No. They spread.
http://ping.fm/44Feo

2011-09-21T07:24:00.001-07:00

inside every old person there is a young person wondering what the hell happened?

2011-09-20T07:39:00.001-07:00

I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing so that menopause and teaching a sixteen-year-old how to drive a car will occur in the same week.

2011-09-19T06:33:00.001-07:00

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

2011-09-18T20:26:00.001-07:00

1/76

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

2011-09-18T14:15:00.003-07:00

Weed Greeting Cards

http://ping.fm/VLgOG

2011-09-18T14:15:00.001-07:00

http://ping.fm/dmFRA

2011-09-18T10:19:00.001-07:00

I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you are here.

2011-09-17T08:39:00.001-07:00

"You are what you eat.." That's strange I don't think I've eaten any sexy beasts today... lol

2011-09-16T13:38:00.001-07:00

In biblical times, a man could have as many wives as he could afford. Just like today.

2011-09-16T13:29:00.001-07:00

In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.

2011-09-15T16:41:00.001-07:00

http://ping.fm/02LPx

2011-09-15T07:46:00.001-07:00

I'm not saying we should misbehave, just that we should look as though we could.

2011-09-14T14:38:00.001-07:00

I'm feeding my inner child. He likes pizza and beer.

2011-09-13T08:46:00.001-07:00

I am not trashy- I recycle

2011-09-12T07:56:00.001-07:00

"I am not a govenor - but I do like hoes."

2011-09-11T19:33:00.001-07:00

If you don't like my driving stay off the sidewalk!

2011-09-10T13:30:00.003-07:00

How beautiful it is to do nothing and then rest afterwards

2011-09-10T13:30:00.001-07:00

How beautiful it is to do nothing and then rest afterwards

2011-09-09T11:35:00.001-07:00

http://ping.fm/S5zL4

2011-09-09T11:34:00.001-07:00

http://ping.fm/dxYC7

2011-09-09T09:09:00.001-07:00

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

2011-09-09T09:03:00.001-07:00

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

2011-09-08T13:27:00.001-07:00

Homer: For you, a baby's all fun and games-for me it's all diaper changes and midnight feedings. Lisa: Doesn't Mom do that stuff?Homer: Yeah, but I have to hear about it.

2011-09-08T13:23:00.001-07:00

Homer: For you, a baby's all fun and games-for me it's all diaper changes and midnight feedings. Lisa: Doesn't Mom do that stuff?Homer: Yeah, but I have to hear about it.

2011-09-08T07:17:00.001-07:00

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

2011-09-08T07:14:00.001-07:00

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

2011-09-07T07:30:00.001-07:00

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

2011-09-06T07:11:00.001-07:00

A man on a date wonders if he will get lucky. A woman already knows.

2011-09-05T13:43:00.001-07:00

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

2011-09-01T07:22:00.001-07:00

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems…but then again, neither does milk.

2011-09-01T07:19:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry I woke you after your operation while dressed as the Grim Reaper.....It's the only way I could get in without being a relative. http://ping.fm/qQvEV

2011-08-31T07:45:00.001-07:00

The three words you don't want to hear while making love: "Honey I am home."

DON'T CALL ME FAT

2011-08-30T18:51:00.000-07:00

Free candy

2011-08-30T18:50:00.000-07:00

"Discover The Stand-up Comedy Secrets You Need To Kill On Stage In Record Time!"

2011-08-30T18:15:00.000-07:00

Great comedy start-up guide.

Click Here!

2011-08-30T07:33:00.001-07:00

The house was clean yesterday. Sorry you missed it.