Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

When you go into court, you are putting your fate into the hands of people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Few women admit their age; few men act it.

- What’s the difference between a sex night with the husband and one with the truelove?- About a half an hour...

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

You're never too old to learn something stupid.