http://ping.fm/mSUrr

I've been good but Billy has been jerking off!!!
http://ping.fm/92WnW

Guns don’t kill people. Husbands who come home early kill people.

Gossip: When you hear something you like about someone you don't

Be naughty, save Santa the trip.

Based on current statistics, we know 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce, which means the other 50 percent end in death.

Barbie is fifty years old now, so Mattel has come out with divorce, midlife crisis Barbie. She comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

At twenty we don't care what the world thinks of us; at thirty we start to worry about what the world thinks of us; at forty we realize the world isn't thinking of us at all.

The towels at the hotel are so big and fluffy, you can hardly close your suitcase!

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun-and fun is a lot more work.

I'd like to grow very old as slowly as possible.

I automatically start panicking when I can't feel my phone in my pocket.