Top 10 Rules of boozing
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PeTA: People eating tasty animals

Beer. It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Huked on foniks werked four me.

You're getting old when almost everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

The voices in my head don't like you.

Irish coffee has the four essential food groups - caffeine, alcohol, sugar and fat.

Man: May I buy you a cocktail?
Woman: Alcohol is bad for my legs.
Man:Do they swell?
Woman:No. They spread.
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inside every old person there is a young person wondering what the hell happened?

I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing so that menopause and teaching a sixteen-year-old how to drive a car will occur in the same week.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein

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 Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Weed Greeting Cards

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I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you are here.

"You are what you eat.." That's strange I don't think I've eaten any sexy beasts today... lol

In biblical times, a man could have as many wives as he could afford. Just like today.

In America sex is an obsession, in other parts of the world it is a fact.

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I'm not saying we should misbehave, just that we should look as though we could.

I'm feeding my inner child. He likes pizza and beer.

I am not trashy- I recycle

"I am not a govenor - but I do like hoes."

If you don't like my driving stay off the sidewalk!

How beautiful it is to do nothing and then rest afterwards

How beautiful it is to do nothing and then rest afterwards

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I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Homer: For you, a baby's all fun and games-for me it's all diaper changes and midnight feedings. Lisa: Doesn't Mom do that stuff?Homer: Yeah, but I have to hear about it.

Homer: For you, a baby's all fun and games-for me it's all diaper changes and midnight feedings. Lisa: Doesn't Mom do that stuff?Homer: Yeah, but I have to hear about it.

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

A man on a date wonders if he will get lucky. A woman already knows.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems…but then again, neither does milk.

I'm sorry I woke you after your operation while dressed as the Grim Reaper.....It's the only way I could get in without being a relative. http://ping.fm/qQvEV